Maybe Someday by Ede Clarke

Author:Ede Clarke [Clark, Ede]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Fiction
Publisher: Ambassador International
Published: 2017-08-14T16:00:00+00:00

Chapter Six

At least the memories of Russ usually were accompanied by memories of Candy—looking out for me; being honest with me; never hesitating to be a real friend. As I sat in the wingback chair I noticed the time and was shocked that I had been fantasizing and remembering for over an hour, filing through various life stages. Most of the memories embarrassed me a great deal, I often found myself blushing even though no one was around. The last few years or so I wanted Russ less, and it helped to remember my past mistakes to bring me back to making better decisions today. Remembering is important. History is important. Whether good or bad, proud or shame. So, I closed My Antonia and put it back on the shelf, satisfied that my longing for Russ and the fantasy-help he could have never offered was far from my yearning. We still contacted each other once in a while, playing phone tag at its least committal level. Every eight months to a year one will call the other and leave a message. It was currently his turn and it had been almost a year, so I figured it would come soon. But, I didn’t count on it, and I no longer thought of him when the phone rang. After all, we somehow always managed to miss each other and just leave a message.

I turned off the lights, one by one. As each lamp went dark, my resolve grew stronger so that by the time I reached the staircase, I was no longer beating myself up but felt even Candy might be proud that I was alone and not grasping, scraping, desperate for a fix, a resolution. Instead, I reached the top of the stairs, washed up in the upstairs bathroom, looked in on The Five, and then crawled into bed with only my actual situation on my mind. “Too bad Mom isn’t still around,” I thought as I pulled the covers high over my shoulders. “She’d be proud of me that, for this moment anyway, I demand people to pay rent if they want to take up room in my thoughts.” With that I felt witty and smart and capable, albeit sad and angry. I drifted off to sleep, shortly after remembering, and regretting, my recent vow to only paint a true picture of Ted to the kids.

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